no. no pain.

oh, the joys of going to doctors.

they asked about you today:

“it says here in your file,

you are in a monogamous

relationship. is this still the case?”

“no.”

“are you seeing anyone new?”

“no.” 

they check off a box on their chart. 

they continue down the list.

(i wish the answer was still yes).

“have you been under stress lately?”

“when am i not?” they don’t laugh. 

it’s hard to tell, underneath the mask, 

but i know they don’t appreciate

the remark. the slightest of pauses

hangs in the air, 

“more stress than usual?”

“yeah, for the last nine months.” 

they check off a box on their chart.

nine months of distress does not

seem to be a cause for concern. 

(i’m still wishing the answer was yes). 

the rest of their questionnaire —

their diagnostic procedure,

the hunt for the something wrong —

goes by in a blur. 

“have you lost weight”

“hm? no, i don’t think so.” 

“are you anemic?”

“uh, not according to my blood work.”

“what about pain? any pain?”

“sorry, could you repeat that?”

i’m still stuck on

that first question

(and how badly i wish i could’ve said yes).

“no, no pain.”

they check off a box on their chart.