creating from grief

How do you find ways of coping with grief?

I have experienced sadness before, a deep sadness even. But grief? I think this was a first. 

I was denied of all of the things I would've normally done to cope with a loss because of the pandemic. I don't feel safe going to get a haircut (yes, I chop my hair after big events happen to me). Going to the spa is out of the question. Travelling? In my dreams. And seeing my friends? Only on a Zoom call.

Desperate to find something to channel my energy into, I began creating — although, I think I would've created even if the world was normal. 

Creating from grief can be an extremely therapeutic way of processing your emotions. When I would write, I would come to realizations. When I would paint, I would hone in on that loss and turn it into something shareable. When I would sing, the words of the artists would hit all too deep and I would feel a little less alone. 

But after a while, coping mechanisms run dry. The things that were once therapeutic now hurt more than help. Crying doesn't help the way it used to — it just leads to a downward spiral. Writing about it doesn't help the way it used to — it just forces me to relive the pain, even if the poems have tonally shifted. Painting about it doesn't help the way it used to — it just hurts to hear how I feel they'd respond to my work in my head. 

So, now comes the hard part. Finding a new inspiration. Finding a way to create from happiness. From anger. From pleasure. From joy. From life.

Instead of always creating from grief.