face-to-face

Zoom fatigue really do be setting in, y'all.

I'm not unfamiliar with online interactions.

When my friends and I first got iPod touches (with cameras!), we would get home from school and FaceTime each other for a couple hours. I used to have calls with friends from all over the world frequently as a teenager; we could spend hours just chit-chatting away and laughing about the time differences. 

But now that we're all forced to interact online, it isn't as fun. Video-calling has lost its charm.

I think it's because while we feel connected, we really aren't. The atmosphere isn't quite the same when you're seeing your friends through a screen. You can't touch or hug or wrestle. You can't break off into groups or have one-on-one conversations. We're constantly interrupting each other accidentally and the chatter doesn't flow as easily because of the lag.

But what other choice do we have? We can't meet in-person. And we can't go without seeing each other for that long. We went from seeing each other 2-3 times a week to not being able to be in the same room in a matter of days. 

And then those days became weeks. And the weeks became months. And now, here we are.

It's been almost a year since my friends and I last ate in a restaurant together. Or did anything that wasn't outside and six feet away from each other. And I miss them.

I don't count the few instances in which we meet for five minutes just to drop something off. But sometimes that's what it comes down to: five-minute meet-ups where we can see each other's faces (well, parts of them because we wear our masks). 

I can't wait until I can actually BE with my friends. Unfortunately, we all have to make sacrifices right now, and not getting to be with the people I love despite being 5 minutes away from each other is one of the hardest sacrifices I've had to make.

And what privilege. Not being able to see people is my biggest sacrifice? Really? And yet, human connection is so important. Especially for someone like me who craves social interactions and closeness. And yet...at the same time... what a privileged life I lead. 

I just miss people. 

me and my friends are lonely - matt maeson