I've never been great at taking ownership of things.
And I don't mean that in the sense of admitting when I'm wrong (although I could definitely work on that too), I mean it more in the sense of acknowledging my accomplishments. My imposter syndrome often leads me to believe that I don't have anything to be proud of in the first place.
When I get praised for something, my first reaction is to grimace. I don't like being complimented, regardless of what the compliment is for. Even when I personally know I've done good work, it somehow feels wrong to have someone else notice that, too.
I had to give a presentation to the CEO and COO of a non-profit organization about a social media plan. It was the first time I had given a presentation to execs of that level and needless to say, I was a little freaked out. But I felt really good about it until my boss had told me she heard we did well. And then suddenly, I doubted whether or not I actually did well?
Yes, I realise how dumb that sounds.
I also started a COVID Instagram account that has amassed 650+ followers and started a petition that has gained over 5000 signatures and while I feel proud of that, as soon as someone else says, "Hey! Good job!" My reflex is to say, "Oh, well 650 followers isn't that many in the grand scheme of things" or "Well, 5000 signatures doesn't compare to the 10,000 that other petitions get."
???? Accept the compliment!!!
(Except I won't.)
I am proud of myself for trying to do something productive when all I want to do is curl up into a ball and watch TV. I am proud of myself for trying to make a difference in my community with what little presence/reach I have.
But it takes a lot out of me to admit that.
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