written in honour of mental health awareness week (Oct. 5-12).
So, if you've read any of the other posts on here (or if you know me at all), you can probably tell that I struggle with my mental health. From feelings of self-doubt, low self-worth, Imposter Syndrome, the occasional numbing of my brain... well, the list could go on.
There is not, unfortunately, a right or wrong way, no one-size-fits-all solution, to coping with those kinds of days (or weeks or months). Some days, when my brain feels fuzzy, it just means I am sleep deprived. But sometimes a nap or going to bed early doesn't work. Some days, I have to take a mental health day and feel my feelings. But sometimes I'm feeling those feelings for what seems like forever. Some days, my emotional pain manifests itself into physical pain. Sometimes it's hard to tell if it's the ole noggin being rude or if I'm straight-up dying and should go to a hospital. Anxiety and panic attacks can also be pretty freaky.
So how do I cope? It varies.
When I was talking to one of my close friends about our sad brains, she said something that really stuck in my head: "It's okay to do superficial self-care. Go buy new clothes, do a face mask, dress up and take selfies. Do the quick and easy fixes until you are ready and able to do the hard internal work." Self-care can be so many things, it's not just material things. It can also be meditation, writing, creating, exercise, cleaning, etc, etc. It can be whatever makes you feel good (and isn't harmful to your body).
I usually go the route of cleaning (which can be really hard when you're super sad), face masks (which can be really hard if you can't stop crying, therefore, messing up your mask), buying new clothes (which can be really hard when you're broke), and dressing up and taking selfies (which can be really hard when the lighting just doesn't want to work with you)! In all seriousness, these things usually do work for me. It just depends on the situation! Music is a big help too. I have a playlist dedicated to sad songs I like to sing (when I'm sad). There is a limit to how much sad music I can take in, however, so it's good to have a pump-up playlist handy too.
Writing is usually what helps me the most. I find I only write "poetry" when I'm sad and I am the most inspired to write when I am going through tougher times. As I've said before, it helps to have an outlet for processing emotions. Writing is my heart and soul. Writing is here for me when it feels like no one else is.
Doing the deep, internal work though, that's a whole other matter. In some instances, that may mean talking it out with friends who are able to listen, in other instances, that means seeking professional help. Man, I'd love to have a therapist. Therapists are like masseurs except instead of massaging out muscle knots, they massage out the knots in your brain! Sometimes it hurts to get the knots out, sometimes you develop bruises afterward, sometimes you have to have multiple sessions before you notice a difference, but usually, you feel better in the long run. (Here I am, talking like I know things about it when I don't, but from what I've heard I don't think I'm too far off).
It's a trial and error process finding what works for you. Things that have worked in the past may not always work in the future. That's what makes life so complicated. Sometimes all you can do is your best, and your best can vary too. Don't be too hard on yourself, healing is a rollercoaster, and currently, I am stuck on the loop-de-loop — I know that won't last forever though.
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