The rumbling of thunder and the bright flashes of light, what more could a girl ask for?
I have trouble sleeping sometimes. Most times. Instead of resting, my brain decides nighttime is a great opportunity to replay all of the things I did wrong (or imagine scenarios of things I want) or remind me of everything that is affecting me emotionally.
In times like these, I appreciate a little rain. I love the rain, but rain is even better at night. Unfortunately, even in our city, I can't always rely on it to rain. Cue the "Relaxing Rain" sounds on Spotify. Except that a little drip-drip of rain is not enough, I want the storm. I want to hear the pounding rain and the rumbles of thunder in the distance. It's distracting enough that I can only focus on the sounds but not too distracting that I can't fall asleep to it.
When I first started using white noise apps to help me sleep, it was because my tinnitus was starting to really bother me. I would listen to the sounds of babbling brooks and frogs croaking and then it would be lights out! And then, I got used to the constant humming in my ears and didn't need it anymore.
These days, I need it. Not because of the humming, but because my brain is too active — too anxious. My brain doesn't know how to be kind to my heart. The thunder relaxes me. I always feel a bit bad saying that I love thunderstorms because people can get hurt during them. Storms are destructive, they're harmful, so I find myself adding a verbal footnote when I gush over how much I love a storm: "Only if no one gets hurt!"
When I was on exchange in Maastricht, the Netherlands, there was a period of time where we had storms every other day. I was in paradise. My roommates all thought I was crazy because they found them scary. My parents certainly weren't fans when the lightning had disrupted the entire train network and they had to get back home! But me? I was in my happy places. I would keep the blinds open, crack the window a bit so I could hear the cacophony of the storm even better, lie in bed, and watch as the near pitch-black room would suddenly light up. Count the seconds. Boom. How far away was the lightning strike?
Forked lightning is the best. Sheets are kind of boring. I mean, any sudden lighting up of the sky is exciting, but seeing a fork? Ooooof, that's exhilarating. I could sit on my window sill and watch a storm forever. And I have! I woke up to a storm once, and as soon as I heard the first strike I was out of bed and on that sill, blinds open, a big smile on my face. I was giddy. I think that time in Maastricht solidified my love of storms even more. And now, it helps me sleep.
Rain. Light. Count. Boom. How far away? Smile, and rest easy.
In another life, I must have been a storm chaser.
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