Whale of a time is a phrase typically used to describe a very enjoyable experience. Because whales are big. And impressive. And therefore the time is big and impressive? Sure, that makes sense.
Am I having a whale of a time? Well, I am certainly going through big experiences, but impressive not so much. Impressive gives off a positive connotation, like, "Wow, that sunset is quite impressive!" You don't often hear people say, "Wow, that amount of sadness you're feeling is quite impressive!" That would be one of the most baffling responses to someone's pain ever.
I don't think I've had a true "whale of a time" for quite a while now. But, I'm trying to do that thing where I try to find the good in life. Not that I often dwell on just the bad, but it can be hard to look past that when those thoughts and feelings dictate how you live day-by-day. So, what can I look forward to these days?
Well, my first therapy session is going to be a hoot. After a 15-minute consultation with her, I was already spilling the beans and crying so I think she's gonna have fun with me. She also called me wise and insightful and yes, cheap flattery will get you far with me. I'm looking forward to better understanding my thought processes and learning how to re-train my brain to divert away from negative thought patterns. I'm also so ready to just unload all of my problems onto someone who I know is trained to hold those kinds of emotions.
I'm also looking forward to posting a blog every day —although I almost forgot that I said I was doing that and that's why this post is a bit half-assed. It's not like I don't do some kind of writing every day anyway. I have written over 300 poems (aka words with line breaks) since mid-September so if there is ever a day where I have nothing to say, I can always share one of those.
Every weekend, my mom and I paint and that's something I always look forward to, too. It's nice to just sit with her as we encourage each other when we don't like what we've done. I think there are little twinges of sadness that come with painting now, but those twinges fade more and more each week.
I'm looking forward to Christmas too. Again, twinges of sadness associated with the holidays because a lot of the things I was looking forward to have vanished into thin air, and the pandemic is keeping us all apart, but I know that we're going to do the best we can to make this a good holiday season.
I also have a creative project that I will be starting up soon with my friends and, while I have no idea how it will turn out, I know that it's going to be fun regardless (and bless my friends for agreeing to do this with me).
For the last little while, my thought process has basically been, "Okay, I just have to get through this day and then I never have to do this day again." That way of thinking only goes so far when every day starts to feel the same. Every day, I cry a little. And every day, I feel a bit better and then a bit worse. But I know that these feelings won't last forever, and one day, I will have such a whale of a time that this will all be but a bump in the road (as opposed to the sinkhole that it currently feels like).
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