into existence

 Sometimes all you need is to hear something said out loud.

I came across this revelation not too long ago — a little bit sad it took me so long to realize, but hey, that's growth for you. 

It's something that helps my impostor syndrome. That feeling of not being worthy or enough, or that my coworkers are going to find out I'm a fraud, is sometimes alleviated by simply hearing things. Whether that's reassurance that I'm doing an adequate job or that they're seeing me grow as a person, it helps to hear it.

But, as someone who also struggles with accepting compliments, it only goes so far. Sometimes I need to hear it said out loud in my own voice. It is a step beyond simply thinking it — it combines oral and listening senses (and sometimes visual, too, if I'm reading something out loud that I've written). 

Sometimes, I need to speak it into existence.

I have a list of affirmations on my corkboard — a list of things to remind me that I am worthy, that I am enough, whatever that may be in reference to. I am learning to say these out loud to myself every morning because I need to hear it, and I need to hear it from me. 

It's not just about believing in my skills, it's about believing in who I am as a person — and also believing that the things I don't like are things I can change, whether literally or through perception. 

I am not a neuroscientist, but I think it helps build those neural pathways that help us recall facts and information. It's like studying, but what I'm studying is positivity. I'm studying how to be kinder to myself. I'm studying how to love myself. I am also studying to not deal in absolutes.

Instead of saying, "I will always be sad," it becomes "I am sad for now." 

Instead of saying, "I'll always be stuck in this mindset," it becomes, "I will be stuck here for now."

For now, but not forever. 

(Instead of saying, "I will always love you," it becomes, "I love you for now." One day I won't. And one day, I'll be okay with that.)