musings of a melancholic

I took a bit of a hiatus, and this is why.

I wrote a book. Sort of. I wrote so much that I turned it into a book. I was hoping that this journey would mean that the feelings and experiences would come to end too. That getting to close a physical chapter, a tangible chapter, would equate to closing an emotional chapter too.

I was wrong. But, only partially. Those experiences will never go away, not completely. Those feelings will never go away, not fully. And that's okay. I'm learning to be okay with that. I'm learning to accept that heartache happens and I'm doing my best and sometimes that's all I can do.

I am also learning that I have power. I have the power to not let it dictate my day-to-day life. I have the power to say, "enough." I just have to be brave enough to do that. I just have to be brave enough to turn that "maybe" into a "no" — to choose to believe that even though you never know what might happen, I have to tell myself I do know. And I have to tell myself that this thing that I want is never going to happen — and that's okay too because there will be other things that will.

I have the power to stop writing about it. And when I'm ready, I will. (I'm almost ready.)

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power of personality: enneagram

Enneagram comes from the Greek words, "Ennea," meaning 9, and "gramma," meaning written or drawn.

road trips

The windows rolled down, homemade CDs playing old tunes, cramped backseats, a trunk full of luggage and snacks, and of course, lots of bickering.

sleep, pretty darling, do not cry

It's been over a week since I've arrived in the Netherlands and it's been a couple days since my parents and I parted ways: them back home to Canada and me back to my residence in Maastricht. It's strange to be away from home. Throughout the week I had my parents by my side to help navigate through the towns and through living abroad. Now that they're a 9-hour flight plus a 2.5-hour train ride away, it's suddenly hit me that I now have to navigate this alone. Although there's a huge international student population here in the city (meaning I'm probably not the only kid who's homesick after a week), it feels like everyone I've met is eager and excited to be here. Meanwhile, my brain is trying to convince me that coming here was all one big mistake. I know that in a few days -- or weeks -- I'll start to adjust to life on my own, but right now, it seems like an impossible task. Even though my parents have said that if I wanted to come home...

just jaime

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