musings of a melancholic

 I took a bit of a hiatus, and this is why.

I wrote a book. Sort of. I wrote so much that I turned it into a book. I was hoping that this journey would mean that the feelings and experiences would come to end too. That getting to close a physical chapter, a tangible chapter, would equate to closing an emotional chapter too.

I was wrong. But, only partially. Those experiences will never go away, not completely. Those feelings will never go away, not fully. And that's okay. I'm learning to be okay with that. I'm learning to accept that heartache happens and I'm doing my best and sometimes that's all I can do.

I am also learning that I have power. I have the power to not let it dictate my day-to-day life. I have the power to say, "enough." I just have to be brave enough to do that. I just have to be brave enough to turn that "maybe" into a "no" — to choose to believe that even though you never know what might happen, I have to tell myself I do know. And I have to tell myself that this thing that I want is never going to happen — and that's okay too because there will be other things that will.

I have the power to stop writing about it. And when I'm ready, I will. (I'm almost ready.)