3am

You know those nights where you wake up in the middle of the night? That's basically my life.

I am not a night owl, I am just a very early bird. And by very early bird I mean I wake up between 3:30-5:30 every night and have problems falling back asleep. 

Sometimes those problems are attributed to a racing mind after a vivid dream (of which I have many) and sometimes I wake up and just don't feel tired anymore. Of course, 3am is a bit too early to be awake. And so, I end up lying in bed thinking.

But don't feel bad, I actually get quite a bit sorted out when I am awake at the witching hours. I once woke up at 3am with a solution to an essay problem I was having. I was struggling to find the most strategic way to compare Clinton to Trump regarding abortion and I guess my brain figured it out while I was asleep because I awoke with a jolt thinking, "Speeches!" The only downside to this was then waking up and trying to decipher why I just wrote, "SPEECHES!" in a notebook. I ended up figuring it out and I got an A+ on the paper. 

Sometimes waking up at 3am is the equivalent of being drunk though. Not so much in the ~*vibes*~, but more so my actions. I have definitely slept texted people and then woke up and regretted it. 3am me has no chill. 3am is so tired and out of it that she sometimes thinks she dreamt texting someone only to realise it was an actual text. Don't be like 3am me. 

I have woken up at these odd hours and experienced sudden surges of clarity or hope or determination. I have solved problems and come to conclusions about situations. Sometimes I wake up and cry (sometimes dreams are too real). 

As annoying as it is to wake up during the night, I've gotten used to it. I've also come to appreciate it because sometimes it helps me. Yes, the essay thing was good, but sometimes those sleep-texts I send actually work out in the long run (they usually don't, but sometimes!!), it's all about perspective, as my mom would say. 

Now, "it's all about perspective," can be a bit of a tricky phrase because yes, sometimes true, but also no, I can't just make myself happy by changing my perspective. If I could then I wouldn't be sad. But in some cases, it is helpful to try and look at the bright side. 

Waking up at 3am sucks. But, waking up at 3am also leads to moments of peacefulness. Waking up at 3am led to an A+ paper.  And, most importantly, waking up at 3am led to me realising I was head over heels over someone.

not falling asleep - sean angus watson