Some days are better than others.
Some days I feel like I've made so much progress and then the next day I feel like I've tripped.
I know that there is no such thing as going backwards. We can only go forward, but that doesn't mean healing is a straight, upward trajectory. As I've written before, our paths have forks and bends and valleys and peaks.
But it is so hard when you see the fork in the road and you're frozen. Which way am I supposed to go now? What if the road that looks bumpy turns out smooth and what if the road that looks smooth leads to a ditch? I tripped over a rock and as I lay on the ground, I see the road branching out in all different directions.
I know which one I want to go down, but I also know it could hurt. And I have had enough hurt to last me a lifetime. But what if it doesn't hurt? What do I have to lose in trying? (A lot, I guess.)
This is why it's important to have a phone-a-friend option. They might not be able to walk that path with you — everyone has their own road to walk — but that doesn't mean they can't support you. I will say that it does make things difficult when your friends all have their own opinions that contradict each other. But they do provide perspectives that I can't reach on my own.
I know whatever choice I make will have consequences. That's life! It's just a matter of weighing the pros and cons, of deciding which consequences are worth the risk.
Maybe some people are worth the risk. Maybe I — and by that I mean my happiness — is worth the risk.
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