It's a good thing I go through writing spurts.
I have always been the type of student to do things far in advance. My essays were usually done at least a week before the due date so I had an ample amount of time to make edits.
The same goes for this blog, I had about two week's worth of content to send out during the last month of October-first week of November. Doing this allows me to take breaks — if you couldn't tell, writing about deeply personal things can get a bit tiring — but I've also felt a bit of a block.
The beginning of November was a bit rough. Nothing in particular really happened (minus the VERY anxiety-inducing US election), my emotional wellbeing just needed me to decompress. I managed to write a few poems, but other than that, the only writing I did was for work.
I don't think my block is a matter of not knowing what to say — I can always find something to say because I talk way too much —but I just didn't have the emotional capacity to do so. There's only so much processing I can do before I reach a lull.
Grief is tiring. Grief zaps so much energy out of you. Constantly going through the highs and lows of grief really wipes you out. Especially when you think you've gotten through the worst of it only to be triggered by something that throws you right back into it. It can almost feel like you're taking a step backwards when, in actuality, it's just part of the process.
You aren't going back. You're moving forward. It's just that the path forward isn't smooth. There will be forks in the road, mountains to climb, and bridges to cross. Those forks in the road aren't wrong turns, they're just taking you off to the side for a bit until you can find your way back. These mountains can be hard to trek up, but you'll reach the other side of it. And those bridges? Well, as someone very much afraid of heights, bridges are hard to cross. But if you try to take it one step at a time, you'll find yourself on the other end. And if you want to burn it down, go for it (I am, personally, not typically a bridge burner, but you gotta do what feels best for you).
I am still finding my way through this journey of grief. But I know that writing about it (or taking my mind off of it by writing) will help.
Plus, I get to document all the dips in my mental health for others to see! Who doesn't love that!
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