Do you ever feel like you're moving forward but still keeping an eye on the rearview mirror?
Because I do! Welcome to the club! It's not great!
Moving forward is hard, especially when you had a certain future in mind. And then that future changes and suddenly you have to move in a different direction (while still moving forward because we can't go backwards).
And yet, you glance in the rearview mirror. You shoulder check. You stop and wait for a second. Just in case.
What if they come back? What if that opportunity returns? What if all it took was initiative? A first step? To reach out? To try again? What if I stopped waiting and just did what I wanted to do? But what if I know deep down I shouldn't do it? What if I no longer care anymore? What if, what will be will be? And what will not, will still be?
This year has thrown a lot of curveballs. You think things are going fine one second and then BOOM, nope! You think, "Oh nice, I have a job!" and then "Oh! COVID! No more job!" Or "Oh, cases are going down!" and then "Oh! Never mind!" etc etc etc etc etc
I have found myself looking over my shoulder a lot lately, hoping that things from the past might still be there. But slowly (yet surely), I am doing it less frequently than a month ago. Sometimes shit just doesn't work out the way you want it to. And sometimes there's nothing you can do about it. Sometimes you gotta let things be.
And so, we keep moving forward.
To quote one of my favourite poets, Maggie Smith, (whose book is covered in sticky notes),
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