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tired

I am very tired.

Earlier this year, I saw my doctor about how I am always tired. The answer? A blood test. Fun!

It's probably because I have very low levels of iron (my doctor once said, "You're not anemic. Yet."). My iron levels were so low, it was laughable. And then after a few months of taking iron supplements, it was bumped up, just a bit. But despite those supplements, I am still very tired.

Maybe because I am vitamin D deficient (which I now take supplements for). Most people who live in the Northern Hemisphere are vitamin D deficient because we don't get enough sunlight. And when it is sunny, we are stuck inside working instead of soaking in the sunshine. (Those vitamin D supplements SUCK though. They disintegrate so quickly in your mouth.) I can't tell if it's working. Maybe? I do feel a little less tired? But also? I am always tired?

Could be the stress. I am always stressed. Chronically stressed, one may say. Whenever I tell my mom that, she always responds, "What could you be stressed about?" Well. Life? Life is very stressful, pandemic or not. 

So maybe the real answer is life. Life makes me tired. Life also energizes and rejuvenates and excites me. But it is also very tiring. I've been sad before, but never as sad as this year. I've been heartbroken before, but never as heartbroken as this year. I've been happy before, but not as much this year. 

Maybe it's just 2020. Maybe it's because the circumstances of all of our lives right now is just exhausting. 

Maybe I just need sleeping pills.

Maybe I just need sleep.



memento mori - rogue wave


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