2021

2021 is fast-approaching. New Year, new me? Probably not.

I have never been a big fan of New Year's resolutions. It's not that I don't think we should make goals for the future, goals are great! It's more that I have an issue with feeling like you need to wait for a new year to make a difference in your life.

I totally get that January 1st can feel like an arbitrary fresh start, a clean slate. You get to use a new calendar, check off the things you've done the past year, and struggle with writing the new date. It's almost like a reset button.

But you can't just hit reset. You have to take what you learned the year before and apply that to how you move forward. There is no forgetting the past because the past is a part of you. That doesn't mean you are stuck in the past forever or that you can't let go or move on, I just mean that those situations never truly go away. They influence how we act and live and breathe, even if we don't realise it.

Some things you can process and then toss out (the lesson remains, but the hurt goes away), some things will hurt for a very long time (but maybe the frequency goes down), and some things you never let go of and that's okay too — just try not to let those negative feelings fester (easier said than done). 

My mom used to make us make resolutions every December. I don't think any of us besides her really followed through with those goals. I always found that the goals I really wanted to strive for wouldn't be attainable in a year, necessarily. You can't put a timer on finding happiness. You can't put a timer on processing difficult situations. You can't put a timer on finding the right job, that could take years! And I definitely don't need the unnecessary pressure of needing to accomplish things by the end of a year added to the already existing stress I have.

For some people, making resolutions really is helpful. I guess it's about creating SMART goals (you know, specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, time-based), but when it comes to my personal goals, I don't like setting timers on them. Deadlines are one thing, reaching my goals is another. And I don't want to feel like a failure every December 31st. 

The things I look back on are happy memories. I have a jar that I fill with memories and experiences and things that brought my happiness in the past year, and on New Year's Eve, I look back.

2020 will not have very much in the jar (but is not empty).

So, what are my goals for 2021? To continue healing and growing and evolving as a person while never forgetting who I am deep down, who I will always be: a person who gives and loves.

every year,
i collect memories,
write them down,
and keep them in a jar
so i can remember all the good
of that year.
you were all of 2020.

all i had was you - paul moody, the field tapes, kyle mcevoy